Let Me Go Wild
by alwaysbluex
Summary: “Blair’s takes a slow drag of the cigarette, letting the smoke invade her lungs and seep slowly out her nose. “ What happens those two weeks during the holiday’s she’s completely alone and without anyone? Post 2x13. Read&Review, pretty please!
1. Forget You

-1**Author : Laura (alwaysbluex)**

**Summary : "Blair's takes a slow drag of the cigarette, letting the smoke invade her lungs and seep slowly out her nose. " What happens those two weeks during the holiday's she's completely alone and without anyone? Post 2x13. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl. **

**A/N: I know I should be working on my other stories, but I felt inspired to write this, what can I say? **

**ALSO, working on a new chapter of Are You Kidding and Help Me Forget. I'll put them up soon!**

Blair's heels clanked loudly on the stairs as she made the ten flights to the ground floor. Her heart was thumping along to the beat of Britney's latest album, her eye's still flashing with the images the strobe lights produced. Usually the elevator was the ride she would opt to take, since her heels were hell to walk in. But tonight she needed to touch the cold metal banister so she could feel something. Not once doubting her lack of grace, that she would trip and fall. The elevator was filled with familiar faces, with sad looks. They all knew Chuck had left, and they all saw how much she loved him, and how much he had hurt her. It was seen in her big brown eyes all the time, she absolutely hated it.

The cold air hit her face all at once, Goosebumps forming instantly on her slender arms. She looked down in disgust. They looked flabby and unflattering today. She really should have wore the sweater like her mother suggested she do. Suddenly she felt the urge to stick her finger down her throat as deep as possible. That way she would have some release to all the tension she was feeling at this very moment. But she knew for a fact their wasn't anything to throw up. Just glasses of champagne ran through her veins, giving her a slightly warm feeling that crept to up to her cheeks, making them flushed.

She quickly opened her clutch grabbing the second to last cigarette she had left. It was disgusting, horrible, and completely wrong for her to be smoking. But it brought her such comfort in so many ways she just didn't care about the negative affects at this point. She grabbed her diamond encrusted lighter and lit up, the smell of smoke instantly invading her nostrils making her sigh in relief. Slowly she took a drag of the stick between her fingers, letting the smoke invade her lungs, and seep slowly throughout her nose.

It reminded her of the one person she vowed not to think about. The one person Serena said she needed not think about during the holiday's. The holiday's were Blair Waldorf's time. To throw extravagant Christmas eve parties, and scandalous new years eve bashes. So she took Serena's advice and kept herself reasonably busy, planning one of the best new year's eve parties since the new millennium. Inside the champagne flowed freely, the dance floor was filled with people wearing tacky "happy 2009" hats, and drugs were secretly laced around the dark corners of the party. Not with Blair's permission of course, but she let it slip because truthfully, none of it mattered anymore.

The cigarette now dangled from her well manicured fingers as she thought over the last few weeks, and how she had came to be this. When she woke up to Chuck's letter, she felt nothing but sadness wash over her. Those three words were being shoved back down her throat, and she needed them out of her life. Completely out, because never again would she utter those words. She put love on a pedestal, it really was nothing special, at least not anymore.

Tears dripped from her cheeks onto the paper, black mascara swirling with her salty tears. Quickly she tore up the note to rid herself from it's presence. The note was never written, and the note never existed. This wasn't Blair Waldorf. If he didn't want her help, then she wouldn't help him. Her heart was tugging at her, telling her to hop on a plane, find him, do whatever it takes. But her head told her it would only cause more unneeded self destruction. Things no eighteen year old ever should have to handle.

Quickly she headed for the bathroom, oddly this was her safety zone. A few years ago it was for unhealthy reasons. But now, she would take a seat on the clean plush rug, that was her favourite shade of beige and rid herself from her thoughts, or she would take a steaming hot shower. As if all the bad thoughts could float out the crack in the window with the heavy steam.

She turned the shower on first, as high as the heat would turn so the room could steam up. That way she could avoid seeing her reflection in the mirror. She was sure she looked like hell, and that weird pang in her stomach telling her it needed to be smaller is not what was needed right now. Slowly she stepped in, wincing at the pain it brought to her cold flesh all at once. How long she stood in that shower under the steaming hot heat, she doesn't remember. All she remembers is Dorota finally coming in after minutes of excessive banging and a soft robe being pulled around her now shivering frame. Maybe she couldn't just ignore his missing presence.

"Your Mama and Cyrus leave for trip tomorrow." Dorota said softly, tucking her into the silk covers. Blair meekly nodded, turning away from her maids gaze. The one that showed pity and concern. Looking weak was a hard thing for Blair to deal with, she absolutely hated being vulnerable.

"Serena already left with Aaron." Dorota continued, pulling a strand of hair out of Blair's face.

She sighed, her eyes becoming glassy. "What are you getting at Dorota?" she spat, not meaning to sound rude, she just wanted to be left alone.

"Should I stay with you for holidays Ms. Blair?" she questioned, a sad smile lingering on her lips.

She shook her head quickly and sat up. "No, Dorota, it's Christmas, you should be with your loved ones."

"But-"

"No." Blair interrupted quickly, faking a wickedly sweet smile. "I'm good here, and if I do happen to get lonely, well I'm sure I can join my mother and Cyrus at the resort."

Dorota thought for a moment and then nodded. "That's true Miss Blair." her smile began to light up. "I better go pack, you be good, remember-"

"god is always watching?" Blair said, a slight smirk on her lips.

"Good Miss Blair." she nodded, patting her arm softly.

Blair watched the maid leave her room and finally the tight smile from her lips was gone. She was going to be completely and utterly alone these whole two weeks. Even after everyone came back and things were said and done. She knew who wouldn't be seen for awhile, and this made her heart ache. Quickly she decided she needed to forget completely, and enjoy herself.

Silently she tip-toed out of bed and headed to her massive closet, inspecting her evening wear. She opted on the short red mini dress she hadn't had the chance to wear. Fun was what she wanted, and she would definitely get it looking like this. Quickly she zipped the dress on, it hugging her curves, leaving little to the imagination. She smiled slightly, actually pleased with what she saw in the mirror.

She opened the drawer where she left her finishing touches to any outfit, the head band. All the beautiful designer headbands had their own place, sorted by designer, and then by colour. Looking at them she felt a lurch in her stomach, deciding head bands weren't for her at this time. Swiping some sheer gloss on her lips, and wrapping herself in her long black pea coat she headed for the hallway. Stilettos in hands so her stealth get away wouldn't be shot to hell when her heels hit the tiles.

Down the foyer, and out the door she left with ease, slipping her heels on as she went. The shivering December air nipping at her ears. Quickly she whistled, immediately hailing a cab. Holly really had taught her well. She smiled as she got in and took a seat in the back.

"Where to miss?" The Cab Driver mumbled, choking on the smoke coming from his mouth.

She wrinkled her nose, she absolutely hated the smell of cigarettes.

The address rolled off her tongue, because she had been there many times to pick up a wasted Serena.

Oh, tonight was defiantly her night to forget.

**A/N: So, timeline's will be jumping back and forth. The story started at new years, where she goes outside and thinks about the last two weeks of her life. She's letting loose, possibly loosing her mind. Review and let me know what you think!**


	2. On Your Knees

-1**Author : Laura (alwaysbluex)**

**Summary : "Blair's takes a slow drag of the cigarette, letting the smoke invade her lungs and seep slowly out her nose. " What happens those two weeks during the holiday's she's completely alone and without anyone? Post 2x13. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl. **

**A/N: this story is reeling me in, I had to do another chapter! But, no school today because of a huge snow storm, and no more for two weeks ! Lots of updates this weekend with most of my stories! **

The alcohol flowed freely through her veins, the feeling extending from the tips of her fingers to the ends of her toes. She climbed up on the bar, men cheering her on, women on either side of her, and began to dance. Feeling so alive was such a new thing to her-- usually she was restricted and held back, always the ice queen. But tonight she was getting away from it all, feeling comfortably numb in her own skin.

"A hundred dollars and any of you fine gentleman can take me home," the girl on the right side of her yelled, they were so close together that their hips were touching. Blair giggled, still on top of the bar table, dancing with these girls she had met merely minutes ago. Their names weren't processed in her brain, but she didn't care. They both smelt of cheap, tacky perfume. But Blair oddly enjoyed it tonight. Routine is exactly what she didn't want in her life at this very moment.

"I want to get down now." she slurred after what seemed like endless dancing, trying to hop down from the barstool, but not knowing how to attempt it.

"Here, take my hand." a soothing voice said.

Blair looked down to see a man holding out his hand for her. Without thinking, she quickly grabbed onto him.

"And I haven't even bought you a drink yet," the man laughed, a playful smirk on his lips. She turned away from him, embarrassed. "Sorry about that, I lost my footing," she said sheepishly, taking a seat on the stool next to him.

"That's okay." He nodded, still chuckling.

Blair discreetly looked over and stared at the man before her. He was tall, with dark hair and blue eyes. She smirked, he really was a knock-out. He definitely reminded her of someone familiar, she just couldn't figure out who with her mind this hazy. She extended a hand. "Blair Waldorf," she said, unintentionally licking her ruby lips.

"Jack." He said, his hand reaching into hers.

"Not going to tell me your last name?" she said, still smirking.

He shrugged, still smiling. "Not important, really."

"Are you going to buy me a drink?" she asked, her finger tracing the outline of her plunging neckline.

"Of course, what kind of guy would I be if I didn't?"

"I'll take a dry martini." Blair said, nodding towards the bartender.

"Why does the name Waldorf sound so familiar?" the man before her questioned out loud. Blair's stomach plunged. _Oh god, here we go_, she thought. She shrugged nonchalantly, looking away from his gaze.

"Wait … Blair Waldorf?" he questioned.

Meekly she nodded her head, watching his face change.

"I'm Jack Bass."

Her stomach lurched at the name Bass even being uttered. She looked over, finally realizing who this man was. She had met him at the occasional party when she was little. The last time she heard his name, he was married to an 18-year-old model and living in Paris.

"As in Chuck's uncle?" Blair sputtered.

He nodded. "I came to pay my respects to my brother, and see how Chuck was."

Blair looked down, her eyes once again becoming glassy. She cursed herself for crying over him, promising she wouldn't do it anymore.

"But I haven't been able to find Chuck anywhere, neither can my PI," he continued. "Which is why I came for a drink. I'm here to regroup."

She looked up, quickly wiping the evidence of sadness from her voice. "Chuck's gone, he left tonight and I haven't the slightest clue where he's gone, not that I care." she added, pursing her lips.

Jack looked slightly taken aback by Blair's words. Quickly, she tried to defend herself. "Chuck and I, we're mere acquaintances. I tried helping him after his father's death and he threw it back in my face."

"I can tell you're lying," he said, studying her suddenly fallen face.

"How?" She questioned, desperately wanting to know how she gave her feelings away.

"Your eyes." he said simply. "When I mentioned my last name, I noticed all the twinkle leave from your eyes."

"you two were ... together?" heasked, fully knowing the answer**.**

Blair nodded, her head still buzzing. "It's a really long story. I think it all started with the limo."

"What do you mean, 'Chuck's gone?'" Jack asked, snapping Blair out of her past sexual encounters with Chuck.

"He left a note saying he was leaving, for good, and that I shouldn't come looking." She watched him give her sympathetic eyes. "Which is exactly what I'm doing," she snapped. "So, if you'll excuse me."

"Wait…" he said, grabbing her arm tightly.

"Don't," Blair spat. "Just don't bother. You're wasting your breath."

"I'm going to look for him," he said quickly. "I'll bring him to you when I find him, because I know deep down you care for him. Even if right now you're too bitter to admit it." With that, he was gone. She slowly turned around to see him pushing through the crowd of cheerful, buzzing people.

The tears began to sting her eyes, as subconsciously she made her way to the bathroom, her eyes going right to the deserted stall. Before she knew what was happening, she was on her knees, sputtering, choking, and sobbing uncontrollably, which just led to more choking. She sobbed for many reasons. One reason was because she was past this, way past this. It wasn't what she wanted for herself. Another, she was all alone, completely alone. Jack was right, she was a bitter, mean person who would really never let love in, because love had let her down so much. Mostly, she cried because she missed Chuck, she missed him so much it physically hurt her.

Slowly, she wiped her face dry of tears and mascara. Leaning against the wall, her head began to throb uncontrollably. Suddenly, a loud bang came from the other side of the wall and she froze up completely. Usually she took her time, locked the bathroom door, made sure no one was in the stalls, and then went for it. This time, however, she had forgotten to lock the bathroom.

She sat up, smoothing out her dress and running a finger under each eye to get rid of excess make-up. She opened the door and came face-to-face with a girl sitting on the sink, lighting up. "It's okay, I'm a model." she said, shrugging as if it explained anything.

Blair scoffed. "I just had too much to drink."

The girl before her smiled. "No, you didn't." she said, taking a puff of her cigarette. "You were making yourself sick. I can tell the difference, easily."

She rolled her eyes, making her way to the sink beside this girl she didn't know, and never wanted to know. Her hands shook under the cold water as she splashed her face with it.

"I'm Emily by the way," the girl said, sticking her hand out to Blair's. She completely dismissed the handshake. The girl looked no more than sixteen, and was wearing dark black skinny jeans and a violet silk top. Okay, maybe Blair liked the top, but the rest of the girl's appearance screamed trouble--something she didn't need right now.

"Cigarette?" She offered, holding out the carton.

"You've got to be kidding me." Blair scoffed. "Blair Waldorf does not, nor will she ever, smoke. Do you know what that does to you?"

"So she finally tells me her name!" Emily exclaimed, tossing her empty butt in the near-by trash can. "Blair Waldorf, huh?" She continued. "Sounds like an Upper East Side name."

"As a matter of fact, it is," Blair said, hands resting on her hips. "Where are you from?"

"Brooklyn."

"Of course you are," she scoffed.

"What's wrong with Brooklyn?" Emily questioned nonchalantly, lighting up again.

"There are many things, but I won't be discussing them with you." Blair said, turning around and heading for the exit.

"Wait!" Emily yelled. Blair stopped, but did not turn around. "You really need to loosen up, Blair Waldorf." she mocked.

Blair huffed, and headed quickly for the door. She needed to get out of this place.


	3. Crowd Pleaser

**Author : Laura (alwaysbluex)**

**Summary: "Blair's takes a slow drag of the cigarette, letting the smoke invade her lungs and seep slowly out her nose. " What happens those two weeks during the holiday's she's completely alone and without anyone? Post 2x13. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl. **

**A/N: K. So I've planned out this whole story for once. So hopefully I'll get it done by January 5****th****, since I'll probably lose interest after new episodes start up again. STILL working on help me forget. Not so sure about are you kidding right now.**

**Comment and let me know what you think! **

**Thanks to Martinigirl15 for beta'ing !**

"Blair, Blair… wake up," someone said harshly, moving her shoulders back and forth in a chaotic rhythm. "BLAIR!"

She opened her eyes slightly, still not accustomed to all the light. "Put the sun away, it's blinding me," she mumbled, half-asleep.

"Where were you last night?" the person questioned. "I tried to call you… several times," he added.

"Nate, if I wanted a babysitter… Well, I wouldn't be choosing you," she said, yawning.

Nate eyed her carefully as she got out of the bed and stalked into her walk-in closet. "Nice dress."

She spun around, eyeing her ex-boyfriend. "Could have complimented me when we were dating." she retorted.

He rolled his eyes. "Where were you last night? Last time I checked you said Chuck was at your house, sleeping."

She looked away from him, searching through her dresser drawers for something to wear. She was thinking skinny jeans today. Change was everywhere, why not change up her wardrobe a bit?

"Blair…?" He questioned, putting his hand lightly on her shoulder.

"He's gone," she spat, fisting the pair of jeans in her hands.

Blair tilted her head to the ceiling, mentally begging herself not to let the tears escape. "He left, told me not to come looking for him." Nate moved his hand to her back, stepping even closer than before. "It's crazy. I tell guys I love them, and they leave me."

"I'm so sorry, Blair," he said quietly.

She choked back her sobs, running her hands over her flat stomach. "I have to get out of here," she said quickly, brushing his hand away from her and grabbing the red silk blouse peeking out of her dresser drawer before heading to the bathroom. Quickly, she threw off the party dress from last night and slipped a pair of dark blue skinny jeans up over her hips. After putting on her silk shirt that clung to her skin in a flattering way, she opened the door to find Nate sitting calmly on her bed, waiting for her to come out.

She ignored his looks and headed for her closet, grabbing a black blazer and a pair of Marc Jacobs flats.

He stood up slowly and walked towards her. "Let me come with you."

She spun around, almost knocking Nate over from shock. "Just let me be. Like you said, Chuck needs time to heal, alone, as do I."

He stood there silently, no emotion on his face--his feelings were told through his eyes at the moment. She saw confusion, a typical look for Nate, and sadness.

"I want to get away from all of this right now. The leering looks, hushed whispers. I need to be where things can just be said out in the open, where I can actually breathe. Don't come looking for me, I'll find my way back."

The elevator door pinged open, and out went Blair Waldorf. He hardly knew her anymore.

…

She wandered around Central Park aimlessly for what felt like hours, but was in fact only a couple of minutes. She sighed and sat down on a bench, watching the ladies with their large bags feeding pigeons. What if she ended up like this? She inwardly cringed at this thought, she would never wear a shirt with that much holly, or that much glitter, or any shirt that you buy at the dollar store.

"Blair Waldorf?" She heard coming from behind her, the snow lightly crunching beneath the feet of the person who was calling her.

Slowly, she turned around to come face-to-face with the person calling her name. Emily had the same pair of black skinny jeans as last night, only this time she was wearing a silver top that sparkled when the snow hit it just right. She rolled her eyes. "Blair is fine."

"What are you doing out here all alone?" Emily said, getting straight to the point.

Blair huffed, her hands on her lap. "Lately, I like being alone more than being with people."

"Ah, you've had your heart broken," Emily said, pulling a flask from her purse. "I understand."

"It's ten o' clock in the morning." Blair exclaimed, studying the girl's flask that obviously had some hard liquor in it.

Emily shrugged, taking a swig of her drink. "Really? Didn't notice."

"How old are you anyways?"

"Fifteen." Emily nodded, grabbing a cigarette from her back pocket.

Blair raised an eyebrow. "No family to scold you for this?"

"That story is for another time, you busy tonight?"

"I barley know you," Blair said, narrowing her eyes at the girl before her.

Emily laughed. "Does that really matter?" She questioned.

Blair thought for a minute. "Yes, it does. I don't associate with Brooklynites."

"You really need to loosen up, Blair Waldorf." she mocked, before blowing rings of smoke over the top of Blair's head.

Blair glared at this girl, though she was sure Emily wasn't paying any attention, and didn't care anyway. She had only known her for less than a day, and had barely even spoken with her. But somehow, this girl's words drew her in. She didn't care about consequences, and just lived life the way she wanted, not knowing when they day started or when the night ended. This caused a small pang of jealousy to erupt in Blair. She desperately wanted that.

"Where would you take me?" Blair questioned, her eyes still on Emily's smoke rings.

Emily huffed, fumbling through her purse. "What's with all the questions, Waldorf?" she asked, handing Blair a piece of paper with an address on it. "Live a little."  
With that, she got up, heading in the opposite direction from where she had come.

"Hey!" Blair yelled.

Emily stopped, but did not turn around.

"Say I were to go." she continued. "What time do I arrive?"

Emily was silent for a moment. "Quarter to midnight. Don't be early."

Blair scrunched up her nose at the girls back, the December air whipping at her face causing her brown locks to obscure her vision. By the time she moved the hair out of her eyes to take a second look, Emily was gone.

Blair breathed in deeply, and then out, her hot breath mixing with the cold winter air. She did what Emily asked of her, arriving not early, but instead late. Slowly, she walked in the door. The lights were dimmed, and she could barely see a thing. Suddenly, an arm reached out and grabbed her, pulling her to the back of the club.

"You came!" Emily exclaimed. She held up Blair's wrist, examining the expensive watch. "And ten minutes late, to boot. I'm proud of you, Blair Waldorf."

"What is this place?" Blair questioned, examining the half-naked women flaunting themselves around in front of the mirror.

"My second job," Emily said casually, sitting at the station with her name on it. Everything finally clicked, the stage, the women dressed in nothing but high heels and expensive lingerie.

"You're a stripper?" Blair exclaimed, nudging Emily's shoulder rougher than intended. "You're fifteen."

"So you're reminding me. Please, I'm not a stripper," Emily said nonchalantly. Blair let out a sigh of relief she didn't know she was holding. "I'm a burlesque dancer, there is a difference."

"Not a big one," Blair spat.

Emily turned around from her make-up table. "I brought you here tonight so you could loosen up, enjoy life. You seem stuck in a tough place right now."

"How - "

She shrugged, lighting up a cigarette. "I catch on to these things. So, Blair Waldorf, you have any experience?"

_What the hell_, Blair thought to herself. She was here, at a Brooklyn club, and she had been given the offer of a lifetime, to let go of her insecurities and worries. Just like she was able to a year ago, with Chuck. "Actually, I do," she smirked.

Emily smirked back at her, handing her hand-crafted lingerie and a pair of beautiful black heels.

…

"Here, take this," Emily said, handing Blair two shots.

Blair scrunched her nose, studying the liquid. "What is it?"

"Tequila. Trust me, you'll need it," Emily said, before downing three shots of her own.

The lights went completely dark, the sound of men's cheers and laughter could be heard for miles. Blair's hands began to tremble, as she began to think about everything that was happening. Last year was a petty dare that turned into so much more. She only did it because Chuck thought she didn't have the guts, and she loved proving him wrong.

Blair's heart began to beat rapidly as thoughts of Chuck engulfed her, swallowing her body whole and making her numb. Emily noticed her go quiet and tense up. She squeezed Blair's shoulder in reassurance. "Tonight is about letting go, remember that. Do what you want, and have fun."

Blair nodded, still thinking about Chuck. The curtain opened and the lights shining on the stage took over. She swore Chuck was sitting in the front row, lounging on the couch, glass of champagne in one hand, her own in the other. He always was the one to keep her drink safe. That's what she grew to love about him. The music began to play, her heart thumping along to the beat, when she was given a rough push into the center of the stage.

…


End file.
